Last month I shared several  techniques for improving confidence and self esteem.  Here are the final six of my top ten confidence builders .  Pick just one or two areas to focus on and see what happens!

5. Silence your Inner Critic – Negative self-talk propagates fear and inhibits action. When you hear that inner voice trying to sabotage your success, stop it dead in its tracks.  Awareness is the first step.

6. Visualize yourself with confidence – Run through positive scenarios in your mind just before or during periods where your self esteem is challenged. When your visualizations are positive and strong, you can make significant improvement in your overall self confidence.

7. Dress for success - When you look good, you feel good and when you feel good, you are more self-confident.  If necessary , go buy yourself one great outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks.  It will be worth it in the long run.

8. Take exceptional care of yourself – Being healthy , passionate and energetic are all symptoms of high self confidence.  Take vitamins, eat healthy, exercise and BREATH!  When you feel good you feel more confident.

9.  Don’t sweat the small stuff – Keep the big picture in mind. What is your real purpose in life.  It’s easy to get swept up in the emotional turmoil of trying to be successful at everything.  Remember that there a huge lessons to be learned in the throws of adversity.  Embrace the learning.

10.  Start a Success Journal – A Success Journal is a great way  to track the positive actions you have taken and the successes you have achieved.  Whenever you feel you confidence slipping or start to wane, break out your journal to remind you of who you are and the talents you possess.

I always dreamed of having an office with an ocean view.  Since that didn’t seem to be happening as quickly as I wanted, I came up with a new strategy; a salt water aquarium.  So a couple of years ago I asked my husband for a salt water aquarium for Christmas & Hanukah, and was pleasantly surprised with an empty 30 gallon tank ( and a promise of 8 fish; one for each night of Hanukah).  I couldn’t wait get started.  I went to the aquarium shop and got my marching orders.  To create a sustainable marine environment, the first step was to purchase salt water, live sand and live rock to set up the aquarium.  Then I would have to wait 3 weeks or so for the water to cycle and become “fish” ready.  I couldn’t wait to add my 1^st fish.

Finally the day arrived.  My water was tested and I was told I could start my tank with one fish. I wanted to start with a “Nemo” type fish called a clownfish, but was quickly advised that it was safer to spend $3 on an inexpensive test fish called a blue chromis.  Should the fish die, the financial loss would be minimal. The clownfish was $15 and too expensive a risk to begin with.  So I bought the chromis and raced home to put him in the tank.  He seemed quite happy as he swam around.  The big test though, was would he live till morning.  The next day, the fish was fine, so I returned to the store to buy my next fish, the coveted clownfish!  I got my clownfish and brought him home.  When I dropped him in the tank, he seemed fine as he swam happily around the rocks.  The next morning I went to my tank and there was my clownfish dead on the sand.

What had I done wrong?  Was it the chemical balance of my water?  Maybe it was just a sick  fish and the store’s fault.  I went back to the store, with my dead fish in a bag and demanded a new fish or my money back.  The store owner, Terry, said to me, “I’m sorry; there are no guarantees or money back on fish.”  He then asked me if I had acclimated the fish properly.  I looked at him with a blank stare and said, “What’s that?”  He proceeded to tell me the procedure for acclimating a fish.  First you float the fish in the bag of water in the tank for 15 minutes to equalize the water temperature.  Then you cut a hole in the bag and add some tank water to the bag water so the waters mix (another 15 minutes).  And then add more water to the bag (15 minutes).  Then finally after 45 minutes the fish is finally ready to be placed in the tank.  I was shocked at how complicated and detailed the procedure was.  But I went ahead and spent $15 on a second clown fish and acclimated it as directed and Voila!!! The fish lived for 3 years.

So why in the world am I sharing this story on my blog?  What does this have to do with management & leadership?  How do you acclimate new people on your team; to the company, the culture, the expectations, new relationships and new responsibilities?  Do you drop them in your corporate fish tank with some paperwork and a handshake?  Do you give them a daylong orientation program and hope they’ll survive?  It’s a fact that people who are provided targeted training, direction, support and regular feedback have a far greater chance of not only surviving the transition but thriving in their environment.  What can you do to ensure a smooth onboarding experience?  Tune in next week for my top ten strategies for effective acclimation of new employees.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t smart enough or didn’t know enough?  Do you ever feel like you are pretending to be something that you are not?  Well, you are not alone.  Many competent and successful people at some point feel this way.  Not because they are, but for a variety of other reasons. In my experience as a coach and as a leader there are three major reasons we experience these thoughts.

SELF CONFIDENCE:  Confidence is defined as “freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities”  A lack of confidence is destructive to your energy and abilities.  If others perceive your lack of confidence this further feeds your own self doubt. Be aware of your internal critic and silence your negative self talk. It only serves to derail your confidence and success. In a future blog entry , I will discuss how to build self confidence.

LACK OF KNOWLEDGE:  Sometimes our insecurities are knowledge related or experienced based.  If it’s knowledge you lack, take specific action.  Taking classes, networking with experts and reading related books can help.  And, there is only one way to get experience. As NIKE would say, “Just Do IT!  At one time or another we all do something for the first time.  Once you have that initial experience behind you, your confidence and knowledge begin to rise quickly.

PERFECTIONISM:  Being perfect and knowing everything is not realistic, although many people strive towards it.  In leadership and business it is critical to be able to roll with the changes and be flexible.  Trying to be perfect can freeze your ability to make decisions and take action.   Striving for perfection can also serve to reduce our self confidence when it’s not achieved.

The bottom line is nobody knows “everything” about anything and at some point we all “fake it till we make it” to some extent.  The only way we learn is to step out of our comfort zone and try something new.

I recently had the opportunity to work with healthcare professionals in supervisory roles.  Our focus was on the use of coaching skills in the workplace.  As I prepared for the program, I had some concerns about my own ability to fully understand their day to day issues.  Working in a hospital, nurses and other healthcare providers face life and death decisions on a daily basis.  How was I, a mere coach and human resources professional, going to connect with these supervisors and relate to their concerns?

In coaching, one of the big moments we strive for is when our clients have a realization, reach a conclusion, or experience a shift in thinking.  We call it an “aha” moment.  Well, little did I know that I would have an “aha” moment training these nurses on coaching skills!

One of the activities in the workshop was to write down real- life coachable moments they had experienced in the workplace with an employee or a situation when they could have used some coaching for themselves.  Well, to my surprise, their issues resembled those of managers from every other industry I’ve worked with. Approaching employees on difficult topics, dealing with conflict, resistance to change and performance issues and accountability were a few of the common threads.

I came to understand that no matter what the industry is, people are just people.  We all have the same basic needs: to be listened to, respected and supported when necessary.  Industry specific background and knowledge can be helpful in building rapport and confidence, but ultimately it’s our human experience that counts.

Many of the companies I consult with come to me with organizational ailments:

• Our Customer Service scores are down, we need training.
  The employees aren’t getting along, we need a teambuilding program.
• Turnover is out of control.  It must be because Joe is a bad manager. Let’s fire him.
• Employee morale is low.  Let’s have a employee appreciation party.

It never ceases to amaze me how quick organizations are to self diagnose and prescribe a quick-fix remedy.  The question is, are they using a band-aid strategy to prevent the spread of a cancer like problem?   Are they treating the root cause or just addressing the symptom?   When you go to the doctor with a pain in your chest, do they immediately give you medicine for a heart problem?   Or, do they quickly conclude it’s just heart burn and send you home with Pepcid AC?   Absolutely not.   They run tests and collect information before prescribing a course of action.   It would be reckless and dangerous to rush to a false judgment.

As leaders, shouldn’t we take the same approach?  In order to really address an organizational issue or management concern, we need to dig down and get a more complete picture of the situation. There are variety resources and tools available for doing this. Focus groups, survey instruments and individual “one on one” conversations are all great options for exploration and discovery.   Bringing in an outside person with a neutral perspective is also useful from a variety of stand points. Employees and managers feel more comfortable to disclose information and it allows you as the leader to be the recipient of the information vs. the “investigator, interrogator or disciplinarian”.  Once you have all the facts in front of you, it is much easier to target and address the core issue. The process may take a bit more time, but the end result will be more effective and sustainable.

It’s time to throw away the band-aids, cure what ails you and get back to business!

Welcome to the Compass Chronicle; a bi-weekly blog filled with leadership lessons, teambuilding tips, coaching counsel, and assorted tools, thoughts and perspectives.  If you have an idea, concern or question you’d like to discuss, please feel free to jump in and comment.  I value your input greatly.  The more interactive this blog is the more interesting and diverse it can become.

Thank you for reading,

Anita